i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
