K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
