beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
