I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
