Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
