My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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