did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
