This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
