It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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