Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
