Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
