Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
