even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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