rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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