That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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