butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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