New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
