YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
