When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
