OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
