I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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