A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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