he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
