They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry about my life...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
