Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
