i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
