I am puke
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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