My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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