I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
