Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
