R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
