My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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