It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
