What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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