After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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