Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
