I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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