My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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