she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
