I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
