Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
