I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
