Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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