dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
