he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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