hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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