i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
