We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
