thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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