The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
