thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize