Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
