Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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