Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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