dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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