If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
