That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
