I think i peed on brittanys purse
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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