I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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