It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
