Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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