The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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