The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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