Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
