Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
