An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
