im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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