worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize