Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
