You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
