Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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