After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
