Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
