the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
