ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
