Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I didn't notice because vodka
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
