I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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