C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
