absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
