I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
